My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
as a side note pls kill me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
