Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
