I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You may now shotgun with the bride
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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