I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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