The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
