sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
