apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize