Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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