it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
