SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
