If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
