lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize