how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
