Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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