Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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