Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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