I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
