Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
