Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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