My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
