Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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