what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
