My nipple is on Facebook.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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