I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
