is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
