Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you are never too drunk for berry picking
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
