Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
