i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
