Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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