Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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