He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
