i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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