he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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