you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
