Nicole vs. Life
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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