SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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