Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
