my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
