i think i have herpe
just one?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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