You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
