People in love make me want to vomit
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want to fling myself into the sun
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
