So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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