Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
