My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
