Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
