quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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