Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
