So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize