Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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