Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
