so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
