& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She bit a glass in half.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
