I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
