Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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