I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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