seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
