My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
