if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
