im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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