As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
