the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
