hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
