please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
