I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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