I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
