Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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