Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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