i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
