we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize