I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
