he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
