I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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