and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
