I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize