His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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