Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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