My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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