in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
