4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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