I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's blow job season.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
