God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
