Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
