so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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