I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
