So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
