this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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