if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
