Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize