I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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