Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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