i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
