happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
