The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
