I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
