Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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