dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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