you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
