One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize