dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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