A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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